There IS a Good Life after a Laryngectomy!
by David "Dutch" Helms
There is life in fact, a good life after a laryngectomy. But you have to reach out for that life. It will not necessarily come to you.
Here are a few rules which helped me and which will help you.
Rule No. 1. Force yourself to become active and involved in life again, doing as much as physically possible of what you did before. You will
feel self-conscious about whatever type of new voice you have but only at first. That feeling will pass with time and will pass sooner if you
get out and use your new voice in all situations.
Nothing will happen if you just choose to sit at home and hide from people and life. You may think you are not ready. Hell, no one is ever
ready to face things like this. But waiting to be ready is not an alternative. Getting out is something you need to do, ready or not
and you don't GET ready until you start to DO something.
Launch yourself back into life. Surround yourself with all the support you can. You will soon discover that it aint all that bad!
Rule No. 2. Make sure, if possible, that you have something you can do and enjoy doing. Resurrect an old hobby, create a new one, set up a
project to occupy your time, energy, brain power, and spirit. Ideally, find something that requires interaction with other people. Try to help
yourself find a good reason to get up every morning other than to
simply watch TV, read, and eat.
Rule No. 3 See a doctor (not necessarily your ENT who is, after all, a specialist in his field) about possible physical problems. For example,
I had thyroid problems but did not know it for a full year after surgery. Many laryngectomees, particularly those who have had
radiation, suffer from underperforming thyroids and do not know it. Once placed on daily Synthroid tablets, my attitude improved greatly.
Rule No. 4. If all else fails and you find that you are depressed about the changes in your life, seek professional psychological help with
individual or group therapy.
When I was told a laryngectomy would be necessary, I became severely depressed. I could not stand the thought of going through the rest of my life with
no voice and a hole in my neck. To that point, my entire life had been about talking and singing. My "jobs" had been military jet pilot,
negotiator, teacher, instructor, coach, emcee for events, narrator, briefer, discussion leader, etc. I sang in choirs, barbershop quartets
and choruses. I simply could not imagine going through life without a VOICE.
The situation was made worse by a number of personal factors. The early 1990's were my not best years, to put it mildly. I had separated from
my wife in 1990 and the divorce took a year before it was final. During this time, I had met another woman and fallen madly in love with her.
We planned to tie the knot in September of 1992 but, three weeks prior to the wedding, she called it off and reconciled with her ex-husband
instead. I was devastated!
To make matters even worse, I had been stationed overseas at the time all of this happened. I was flown by Medivac to the U. S. Air Force's
Cancer Treatment Center, Wilford Hall, at Lackland, TX. Wilford Hall is a great facility, but none of my friends or family were near. It was
just me and doctors and nurses. No one ever told me about the IAL (International Association of Laryngectomees) or the existence of any
laryngectomee support groups, so I had no outside help at that time.
Thus, being told that a laryngectomy would be necessary while I was still suffering from going through a divorce and a canceled wedding
really shocked my whole system. Lacking the support of family and friends or any other group, I went into deep depression and to near
suicide. I simply couldn't think of a reason to live.
Luckily I got professional help and spent over a month in an Air Force mental health facility "getting a grip on life" again. Then I pressed
ahead with the laryngectomy. After the surgery, my best friend since junior high school, with whom I had remained in contact over all the
years, offered me the opportunity to live with him, his wife and family while I recovered.
This experience really saved my life and finally got me out of most of the depression. It forced me to be with people (in this case, two
adults and three teenage girls) every day. It forced me to talk, to get accustomed to using my new voice in all sorts of social situations
shopping at the Mall, ordering pizza's over the phone, and being present when the family entertained other friends. In essence, living with them
forced me to become engaged in living again.
At first, I felt like a freak with a computer voice and a funny hole in my neck. But this feeling gradually passed as I became more involved
with living a normal life. I was thrilled when I traded in my electrolarynx for a TEP/prosthesis voice that boosted my confidence in
myself and my ability to communicate. All this time, I was learning that being a laryngectomee was NOT the end of the world and that leading
a good, interesting, and rewarding life was still possible. I've been on my own and in my own place now for over
three years, living as normal a life as possible and I love it!
Another thing that helped me cope was the computer! Having the computer with its Internet capability has been a Godsend. This machine not only
provided entertainment and education possibilities but also the tools to learn new skills. Yes, old dogs can learn new tricks. I quickly
established a Home Page on the Internet and then attempted to create a Larynx Cancer Information site, primarily to help poor folks like me
who, when initially diagnosed, needed help getting reliable information, assistance, support and guidance. This Information site gradually
blossomed into the WebWhispers Nu-Voice Club that we have today. My association
with the site, both creatively in building it and
socially/psychologically in participating with everyone in it, has been extremely helpful in coping and living and that is a gross
understatement.
I came through. Many, many others have come through. So can you!
God bless.